Dear Helen, I have a wonderful one-year-old baby and I feel as though my husband and I have mastered the role of parents, which makes me very happy. But our relationship is not as it once was, I feel I'm no longer attractive to my husband, and I do not want us to be a couple who loses all passion and romance after the baby's birth. I do not know what to do in order to awake those feelings in him again. I kindly ask for your advice.
The birth of a child is one of the happiest moments for many parents. However, parenting is much more than a moment of excitement and happiness. Some consider this event as a family crisis. A more modern perception is that this is a normal phase of development that requires adjustment in relations with your partner and causes a series of changes in personal and marital satisfaction. Studies generally show that the birth of a child reduces the experience of marital satisfaction in the child’s first year, and even up to 18 months. But repeated results show that after this period, relationships for most couples are significantly improved. So, give yourself and your husband time, and try to be patient during the adaptation period, without fear that you will lose all the passion and romance in your relationship after becoming parents. Of course, the adaptation period does not mean stagnation is necessary in re-establishing the closeness amongst you. Try to find time just for the two of you. If you have support from extended family (grandparents, aunts, etc.), try to organize a night out at least once a week or a romantic weekend where you will be able to be devoted to one another. Bear in mind the accumulated stress, fatigue and exhaustion of everyday parental responsibilities and do not expect a quick and instant result. Accept the fact that on your first night out you will talk about your baby all the time, about her latest achievements, teething, and so on. But do not give up. After you introduce this as a regular practice, you will gradually move away from these topics and return to your own.